Home for the holidays, Downtown here I come, Can't catch a break, Goldilocks, Turkey-free festivities
So, everything sucks. Well, everything has been sucking. And that was pretty much the catch phrase of the emo movement aka my life, so it makes sense. But really. I'd like to catch a break instead of a cold (which I am also currently getting over).
"Sweet Emily, tell us your troubles! Why have things been so craptastic lately? We'll give you massages and flowers and gift baskets of tiny animals!"
OKAY FINE I'LL TELL ALL OF YOU SINCE YOU ASKED SO NICELY*.
(*I really REALLY want to make a list right now. I can feel my eyeballs sweating from seeing imaginary bullet points and numbers, but I'll try to make this more of a conversation between me and TEH INTERNETZ.)
I've been looking for jobs and getting NOTHING. Actually, that's a lie. I've been getting horrible interviews, having horrible experiences, and basically have been failing on the job front. Does everyone remember when I thought I was meeting up for an interview and it ended up being a fat loser propositioning me for $10k? Okay, good. But the fun doesn't end there. I've been applying for everything minus escort services (which pepper the Orlando job market). Indeed, Monster, AfterCollege, the ol' CL- all of it. Anything that looks somewhat like something I might have experience in, I apply for. Hell, I apply for things I have no experience in or with.
I got a call back from a dance studio for a receptionist- awesome! I took a dance class in college! I know what rhythm is! It was at a studio in Winter Park, and they told me to show up at 7pm for an "open house". Still promising, but a little concerning. So I showed up at 7pm only to find 14 other people there, from young to waaay beyond a normal working age. WOW, COOL STORY BRO. As if it couldn't get worse, they lined us up in the center of the room... and made us dance. Oh yes, children, they made us dance. As in, they made a bunch of random-ass people in business professional clothes practice and then execute different dance routines including the salsa and the merengue. I started to feel better when I was called second- they must have liked me! Then she told me that the hours would be 12-9pm M-F. #fail
As if it couldn't be worse, the woman who interviewed me was a firetruck ginger AND they re-listed the ad 2 days later.
I also went to a group interview for a telemarketing company. I hate speaking to people in the hopes of "making a sale", but I went anyway because Y NOT. They made us sit through an ever-so-convincing lecture about AT&T's U-Verse, and then immediately switched to saying that it was a sales position interview. I stood up almost instantly and go, "I'm not interested in sales. This isn't what the job posting said." Everyone stared at me and I stared back. They said I could leave, so I did. In NO WAY would I work a job solely based on commission. I gave them a stained resume too- so there.
Then there was LMS. I spent 45 minutes talking to the boss on the phone about the integrity of musicians, the general population's mean IQ, and other trivial things. I thought it was going well, and was invited to an interview. Cool! So I headed out and got stuck in inevitable traffic, making me 15 minutes late. He was still nice about it, and invited two other "associates" to help him interview. But then, on top of the technical questions about HTML and photoshopping skills, I was asked about past job experiences, my interests, and even this very blog. (Hello LMS folk, if you are still lurking me.) It was all going well, until they asked me to cut up an email blast and then write HTML code to format the sliced images into one collective email crap chute. They wanted me to sit there for an hour! I had another interview at Centura U (see below), so I told them I had to dip out. I didn't think all of that testing was fair or necessary. I ended up hearing back from the boss man. They offered me a position at $10 for... 10 hours a week. Wait, what the f*ck? What does that even mean? I am a college graduate, not a current college student. I am not an intern, nor do my mommy and daddy pay for my apartment. That's not even sensible! I'd have to have 4 crap PT jobs just to make rent every month! He asked me what it would take for me to accept. I said 30 hours and haven't heard back since.
Valencia College also led me on. And by led me on, I mean they gave me that "come hither" look after buying me multiple drinks. Basically, I had a Skype interview with three nerds back in SEPTEMBER, then had a second interview in person the first week of October. It was for an IT position, and I sold my story about the music tech degree problem solving, which was on a daily basis. I thought it went well, though I did ask about the women:men ratio. They weren't promising on that ground, saying that there were few women interested let alone qualified for IT work. (I doubt that, since women are usually more patient than men.) They seemed to like me, and said they'd let everyone know about who they would be hiring. The final count was 10 applicants for 5 positions, so I had a half chance. An entire month and a half went by before I started going ape sh*t and calling pretty much once a day. Then they dodged my calls. Only then did I get the generic "Dear VALENCIA COLLEGE APPLICANT" email with the news I had already known.
FAIL. FAIL. FAIL. FAIL.
No hashtag needed.
I also applied for two different positions at Centura University. The staff seemed nice enough, and the positions seemed quiet and somewhat ideal. Apparently that institution almost went under before being bought out by different management. No thanks- I don't need another Full Sail BS situation.
There was a position listed with a tech company in DT Orlando. When I was invited to an interview, I was pretty stoked. Working in DT would be fun- I would feel quite business-y and self-important. Getting to know that area would also be helpful. The office was on the 16th floor, looking out over a vast array of skyscrapers and glass window grids. It was pretty stellar. I met with the young boss and chatted about the company, my past experience, and we seemingly got along well. He told me that someone once tried to save him during an interview, so... at the end of the interview when he asked me if I had any questions, I asked him if he had been saved. BOOM. A joke, and proof that I was listening. He said he'd be in touch, so I anxiously waited for a phone call. Then, on Tuesday, I got a call- that I had been offered the job.
We've had some family issues lately. I'm not going to get into details, because a blog full of levity isn't the place. But my family has been getting slammed by health issues and sadness. One thing I can get into, however, is the diagnosis of my furchild Lily with kidney disease. We've known she has been sick for a while. She has been handling the loss of Zellies well, but her health has been declining. He jaw is now swollen to the point where you can't (and wouldn't want to) touch the side of her face. Her eyes are still as green as there always were, but look a little more sad every day.
My mom and I were talking about what the future should entail.
It hurts me to even write anything more telling, but we're hoping that Lily makes it to Christmas. When I was asked one year what I wanted, I told my mom I wanted some of Lily's fur. One of the last gifts I opened was a folded box with her fur inside. And this year when I was asked what I wanted for Christmas, I told her I wanted Lily to get better.
Not bloody likely. It'd have to be a Christmas miracle, and I'm not sure I believe in miracles. And even if miracles exist, the best miracle would be making Lily immortal. And that won't happen either, but it was a nice shot. Maybe Jesus or Santa Claus or the Ghost of Christmas Future can make Lily into a real person and we can hold paw-hands and skip away into the glorious, semi-dander-free sunset together. (Lily would look awesome as one of those Avatar creatures, FYI.)
All we can hope for is that she makes it to Christmas. And that will be my present, all corniness aside.
I don't think anyone has loved a cat as much as I. Sure, people love their pets, fur companions, etc. But poets love differently. And Lily loves differently.
Well, now that I've ruined all of your days, I guess I should lighten the mood up a bit. And for this portion of the blog, I'll have you know that I've recently gone blonde. I did it with a home bleaching kit, so it's a little more copper than I would like, but I think I'll gradually lighten it up more until I'm a nice golden. I had it toned at the Aveda Institute (since it's 5 minutes away from my apartment and was only $10). I feel better about the switch to blonde, though I eventually also want to add an ombre effect. So many plans for my hair, so many split ends, though.
I did a cool photoshoot with Simone Star Jones recently too. It went well, and she made my hair look absolutely stunning. I've never curled my hair quite like that before, so it was an experience. I'll post some of the photos here once I sign back into my inactive flickr account...
I'm sorry I suck at blogging regularly, being funny, and remaining optimistic in times of crisis.
I'm always assuming the worst...
But in all seriousness, I hope y'all have wonderful holidays with your family, friends and loved ones. I hope that you also make the green and ethical choice to NOT buy into inhumane treatment of turkeys and turkey farming. Think about going vegetarian (or vegan) this year; my non-vegetarian family took the initiative.
Also, take some time to remember than unless you have Native American blood, your ancestors really screwed an entire race of people for a so-called holiday. I hate everyone and everything.
Fine Young Poet : Em
an artist who chooses to starve